Stress

I have been under a lot of stress lately, and I don’t handle stress very well. I internalize it and eat lots of things I shouldn’t. Nothing crazy like what is on that addicts show on TLC, but sweets, chocolate, basically anything with sugar and bread. BREAD. That is the real kicker. When I don’t care that I am allergic to wheat, you can be pretty sure I am stressed. I know I shouldn’t eat it, but it is soooo yummy, and my #1 comfort food. Anyways, before I tangent on to a rant about how yummy bread is… 

Stress = bad news for me

When I get really stressed, I usually get a cold sore and I chew the inside of my cheek in my sleep. Yep, I have a cold sore, showed up this morning, and I noticed yesterday I was chewing my lip.  If only I could stop stressing before I get to that point.

Knowing that when the stress gets to be too much things start to breakdown, I try and avoid getting myself into stressful situations. I try not to take on too many tasks at one time. I make sure I have time for relaxation every day, but enviably the day comes when things I can’t control collide and I get majorly stressed out. This particular time happened to be a deadline for my Fulbright and the end of the semester.

One of the things I have had to do with the Fulbright is to compile a number of documents and apply for a residency permit in Austria. A Residence Permit in Austria is much harder to get than the one I got here, but maybe that is because I will be working there. I didn’t think gathering all those documents was going to be a big deal and they weren’t for me, but that is mostly because I didn’t do the work.

  A big giant thank you to my mom! :) 

However the gathering and shipping took a little longer than I thought not fault to my wonderful mother. I wasn’t too stressed about the documents, because I had delegated the task to a person I trusted. One of the techniques have had to learn to limit some of the stress in my life, but there was something else that I needed to do, but kept putting off… a physical exam.

I put it off for a couple of reasons. The physical form needed to be filled out in English, by the physician, but there are not a whole lot of English speaking doctors here, seeing as they speak German in Germany. It is true I was having some difficulty in finding an English speaking doctor, but to be honest the real reason why I kept putting it off was because I was scared. Plain and simple.

I am not scared of the doctor, or of the examination, that wasn’t the problem. I was scared my German wasn’t good enough. Even though the form needed to be filled out in English, I wanted to talk to be able to talk to the doctor just in case they didn’t know enough English. I know my German has improved a lot since I have been here, but I am not very confident in my skills in a more formal setting.  And it was the first time I have been to the doctor here, and there was a little bit of the unknown. That and I am always afraid when I go to the doctor for a physical and I feel healthy that the doctor is going to find something terribly wrong with me. A little irrational I know, but nonetheless I was scared.

Because I was scared I procrastinated, 

Because I procrastinated I added more stress, 

Because I was stressed I procrastinated some more.

 It’s a vicious cycle. And yes it is a little emotionally unstable, but it is what it is.

I went to the doctor today and I spoke German. There really weren’t any mishaps—I understood everything and I was able to communicate what I needed. It was successful! And now I have all of my documents in hand waiting to go to Berlin. It is a great relief.

There was another source of stress. Finding out that I have to go to Berlin, and I can’t use the honorary consulate here in Saarbrücken. It wouldn’t be a big deal, where Berlin was on our list of places to visit, if the deadline to turn in my documents, which must be personally delivered, was not July 1st, a mere 4 days before my final exam. Oh and Berlin is at least 6 hours away.

Luckily with a quick email to the AAEC (Austrian- American Education Commision) I was able to get the deadline extended to the 11th. That means practically right after my exam, it is off to Berlin. I am so grateful the AAEC has understood my slightly different circumstances. They have extended more deadlines than I would have guessed they would to help meet my needs. It is a confirmation that I am where I need to be now, and Austria is where I need to be going.

For the amount of stress these past couple weeks have been I really hope Berlin is going to be amazing because I am going to need a good vacation! The first stressor for just Berlin was trying to figure out how we were going to get there. The cheapest way is on regional trains, they are slow, but it would only be about 40 Euros to get there and back. But the slow trains would take about 13 hours for us to get there. 13 hours was longer than I wanted to spend on a train. But hey it is better than the fast trains at 150 for the trip and still sitting in the train for 6 hours. The last option was to fly: only 1.5 hours to get there, but 250 Euros. While were we looking at the different options Chris found a ticket that would allow us to travel all over Germany on the fast trains (ICE, or IC) for an entire month! The only catch is that we have to use an ICE or IC at least once per trip and they don’t go to smaller towns. However most of the places we want to go are bigger so we shouldn’t have any problems, or need to buy another ticket for a while.  The ticket is quite expensive, but the trip to Berlin is worth half of what the ticket costs and so as long as we take more than one other trip, which we already have partially planned, not to mention the others, we will get our money’s worth. :)

All we had left to do today is find a place to stay. July is Berlin’s peak tourist season, and so many of the places we looked at were already booked or almost booked, driving up prices. We have finally found a place, it is a little ways for the downtown area, but we will have a train pass for inside Berlin. The hotel isn’t expensive, about 30 a night for the both of us!

The only thing left to do now is figure out what we are going to see and do in Berlin (the fun part) and pass my final exam.  The one thing that may stand in my way of going to Austria! Wish me luck!

Catching up

Well it has been 3 or so weeks now since my last post! Really didn’t mean for it to go that long. I started to write a post, but I never got it to my computer.  That is one of the problems I have found. I have time to write, but it never seems to be when I have my computer with me. I don’t necessarily want to carry my computer around with me all of the time, it is a little on the heavy side, so maybe I should starting thinking about investing in a tablet. Those however are rather expensive, and I really do enjoy writing things out by hand first, I am weird that way I know, so for now I will just have to be better about how I spend my time when I do have my computer in front of me.

Bliebkastel

Just to catch you all up, I will give you the short version, and get started, I promise on filling in the details in other posts.  If you absolutely can’t wait, well Chris has his version of events here.

Let’s see the last thing I talked about was the Saarschleife.  The next Friday Valerie invited Chris and I out to where she lives in Blieskastel.

Zoo

The next day (Saturday) Chris and I went to the zoo. I had been wanting to go for just about forever. I am really a dork that way. I love going to the zoo, and in Boise I would go quite often without any excuses like children to accompany. I just wanted to go, and sometimes I would go alone. That is how much I love the zoo.

The following Thursday, the 7th was the last holiday during the semester.  Chris and I decided to take advantage and scheduled another sightseeing tour.  We stayed with another one of Chris’s highschool friends and saw Köln (Cologne), Bonn, Windhagen, and Linz. It was a great weekend.  Here is a map of our travels:

Köln

Since getting back from Köln it has been more school. Our final is on the 6th, so we don’t have a lot of time left.  On the weekend we have just stayed home concentrating on studying for tests and catching up on some rest.

The Friday after we got back we returned the favor and had Valerie over to look at where we live. There wasn’t as much to see, but it was fun to walk around again and remember what it was like the first time we saw things here.

Bonn

This past weekend we stayed home again. Chris found a store we hadn’t been in yet. We thought it was going to be really expensive, but it wasn’t, and they have traditional German clothing. Chris was able to find some Lederhosen. I tried to find a Dirndl but, as is the case here with most clothing, I couldn’t find one that fit. :( I am looking on-line and at the costume shop here in town, and so hopefully I will find one that will fit.

Besides studying we have been watching the Europa Meisterschaft. It is the yearly international soccer tournament. Germany has been doing really well. They haven’t lost a game yet! The only team that hasn’t lost or tied!!!! They play again on Thursday and we are going to go to public viewing. Yes, I have been watching soccer and cheering along with everyone else. It is a little crazy how into a sport you can get when everyone else is interested in it. So a public viewing is just a big gathering of fans to watch the game. We went to one with some of Chris’s classmates. This game was from the first round, and the game on Thursday is the Semi-finales so it should be even bigger.

Pretty Castle we didn't visit

We have also been attempting to meet up with the exchange students going to Boise State in the fall. There are 4 of them. We have already met with one and we are planning to meet up with 2 others on Thursday. Chris is excited about having some more people to talk German with in Boise.

Linz

I have had a few Fulbright woes, and I will go into detail about them later as well. I will just say for now that we are planning to go to Berlin almost right after our final so I can turn in my papers. And my last step to have everything ready is a doctor’s appointment on Wednesday.

I think that gets you all filled in for now. Sorry about the lapse! 

Saarbrücken Schloss

So here is the video for when I went to the Schloss in Saarbrücken. According to when I uploaded the raw footage we went there on the 26th or 27th of February! I hope to pick up the pace a bit, but I cant promise anything right now, but I will promise to get them up! :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pfTwRmUNbD8&feature=youtu.be

I just realized I never created blog post for the day, I will have to work on that as well...

Two big weekends in a row

Berg Eltz

Germany has a lot of holidays, and I mean a lot. When the Germans have a holiday it is actually a holiday for most people. Not only are the banks, school, and government offices closed, but so are all of the stores. The only things that are open are restaurants, and then only some, and touristy places. For the Germans this is great. For me, well it takes a little getting used to not being able to run to the store really quick. However, I think it is a wonderful idea and better than having them open and the holiday being really only for those who can afford to take the time off of work.

Valerie and Johannes

Last Thursday, the 17th, was Christihimmelfahrt, Christ ascension to heaven after the 40 days. Yes it is a religious holiday. The State is not completely seperated from the church here, so there are a lot of religious holidays, today is one in fact: Pfingstmontag.  I am not exactly sure what today is for, but I know it is religious. :) Anyways, not being Catholic, Chris and I take advantage of all the extra holidays to see what there is to be seen.

On Thursday we met up with a friend from Chris's class, Valerie, and her boyfriend Johannes. We took the train out to a little town called Moselkern. From there we went on a walk through the town and then through the woods until finally we reached Berg Eltz. The Castle, as pretty much all castles are, is gorgeous! This particular castle was first build in the Middle Ages, we are talking 1300s and has been added on at various times and continually updated, so much so that the family, well decendents of the original family still live there. We were able to go on a tour though a little bit of the castle. The tour was better than Norschwanstein, and cheaper too. :) There was also a little museum we were able to go through with different artifacts from the various residents. After a lot of pictures we walked back down to the train station and went to Trier for dinner. We met up with Julia, ate and then had to say goodbye in order for Valerie and Johannes to get to their train in time.


The next day Chris and I relaxed a bit, rested out very tired feet, we both needed new shoes and got ready to head to Luxembourg. Saturday we woke up early to get the tram to catch the bus to Luxembourg, where we met up again with Julia. We had done a little research before hand and created a little self-guided tour of the city. It was fun walking around the city guessing where we were on our map and what building was in front of us. The streets, although they are labeled, are not labeled at every street corner, so you really have to pay attention to where you are. The website we found to create our little tour also gave little synopses of the different places of interest.

Luxembourg with Julia! :)

We spent the most time at the old city wall. For a small fee we were able to go inside and wander around all the different nooks and cranies and up and down very narrow spiral staircases. At one point we were went down, I don't know, about 90 stairs and started walking down a corridor only to find water dripping our of pipes and smelling a little foul. So we turned right back around and went back up the stairs. 100 stairs doesn't seem like at lot, but it is when the each stair is about 2 feet high.

Guard in front of the palace

After circling the city we went back to one of the main plazas to rest and find some dinner before we caught our bus home. We walked around looking at all the restaurants trying to find a place that wasn't 20 Euros a plate, and couldn't find any. We had seen earlier some people with "Tourist Information" on their shirts, so we decided to ask them for a cheap restaurant. Cheap isn't the right word, in German it is "gunstig" which means a relatively cheap price for good quality. Anyways, for some reason they told us to go where we just had been. It turns out 20 Euros a plate is cheap for Luxembourg City. It is a very wealthy place. After dinner at a Mexican restaurant we parted ways to go home.

Inside one of the churches

By Sunday I was exhausted and sleept in too late to go to church.:( Later that day Chris, Iris and I went and played Tennis. It was really nice to play again on clay, and the weather was perfect. We played again on Wednesday before we went to the outlet mall to buy some very sorely needed new shoes. I was able to find a new pair of walking shoes and some tennis shoes. Chris wasn't able to find any tennis shoes, but he was able to get new walking shoes. I also found a tennis skirt! :)

Saturday we hung around the house a bit, went to the Avengers, finally, and then went to a birthday party. The movie was really good, but what was best about it was that we understood what was going on and got the jokes. There were a couple of times where Chris and I were the only ones laughing, because it was American humor. That kinda made us feel good, like we are getting somewhere with our studies.

end of the day... a little tired

Yesterday, the 27th all of us, Ben, Iris, Alois, Inge, Chris and I went to a Medieval Fair at the Schloss ruins in Kollerbach. The members of what I assume to be the local Medieval chapter were all dressed up and camped out in old canvas tents, and in period clothing. There were lots of different stands with food and trinkets to buy. The fest wasn't as large as some of the ones I have been to, but it was really fun and made me think of my Dad and all the different Medieval things we have gone to over the years.

Berg Montclair

Today was the Saarschleife, the most photographed place in Saarland. It was really pretty. The Saarchleife is a hairpin U turn in the Saar river. Before we went to the river we walked through the woods in the middle of the U to a castle called Berg Montclair.  The castle is still in really good shape, at least the walls are still there and standing. We were able to walk around the walls and in the the old courtyard there was a little cafe. On the way up through the woods there were little educations centers where children could play little games and learn about the forest. I thought it was a really cool idea.

Saarschleife

After the castle we walked back to the car and drove around to the viewpoint for the Schleife. We walked around a bit, enjoyed the view and of course took some pictures. Then we went into the little town of Mettlach for dinner. We looked around a little bit too. We found this one place, I am not exactly sure what the house was or is now for, but it is absolutely amazing. I want to buy it and live in it forever with a very large English styled garden complete with a hedge labyrinth. So um yes, very beautiful building.

My newest house obsession

The old headquarters of Villeroy and Boch

Mettlach is also home of the very famous Villerory and Boch porcelain company. We went into the outlet store there and looked and dreamed about all the pretty different china patterns. Chris was able to find his Mom a very nice gift as well.







And then we came home. A very busy couple of weeks and more is planned for the comming weeks. I will keep you posted. Oh and here is a video of a frog we found by the viewing area of the Schleife!

A tinge of homesickness...

Hank, I know it is weird to miss
my cat right? but I do...

 I had my first really problems with homesickness. I have had a few panges before now, but nothing that different than I what I would get not seeing my familly for a while, when I was still in the States. Basically nothing that couldn't be fixed with a phone call.

Mom and Liam, how can you not
just love that face!?!

I am, well I guess I should say was, used to playing with my nieces and nephew  quite often. Right before I left I saw them pretty much every day. Since they moved to Boise I don't think I have ever gone over a month without seeing them. And a month is an outside estimate. When I first arrived in Germany things were new, and so I didn't notice how much I missed them.

Alex, catching at a baseball
game. It's tough not being there
to support her. 

Madi and Liam, on one of our walks

Then one day about 2 weeks or so in, I saw a little boy on the train that reminded me of my nephew so much I had to concentrate on not crying. The little boy hopped up on a seat a couple rows in front, and facing me. His ball cap was crooked on his little blonde head and a giant grin across his face. He kicked his feet as the train drove down the track, taking in everything around him, and then he stared asking quesitons. I thought as I watched him that is exactly how Liam would behave.

Of course as soon as I got home I sent off an email asking when I could Skype with the little munchkin and this sisters. I usually Skype with them, or at least with the oldest about once a week,. This way I still feel a part of their lives with actually being there.

There have been other times when I have had a bit of homesickness. Usually there isn't a reason. I just want a big kiss from the littlest, the best bear hug in the world from the one in the middle, and to tickle the eldest until she is literally in tears! Those days are tough but I hadn't had a day like yesterday yet.

Congrats Kiev! Love you tons <3

The last picture I have of my Grammie.
At my sister's wedding

Saturday my big brother, the only brother I have, graduated from Boise State. I really wanted to be there to help him celebrate and all of my other friends as well. My brother had a big party and everyone was there, including my sister, who I haven't seen in about 3 years. I felt a little left out, not only because I wasn't there, but because if I had been there I would have walked across the stage with my brother.

Brother's family. They are just
so adorable ;)

I will graduate this summer instead, and the trip here has been totally worth it, but in the winter when the summer graduates get to participate in commencement I will be teaching in Austria. I didn't think that missing my graduation was going to be that big of a deal until I saw everyone's pictures and their ecstatic faces at being able to say: "I did it and this funny hat and gown and piece of paper says so!" Right now I feel like I am not going to be celebrating this great accomplishment in my life. It will be as if graduation didn't even happen. I will go straight from school here to teaching. No trip back home to see the family, I wont even get my diploma until I get back to the states next summer.  So ya, it was a tough weekend.

Oh the "cousins" from a few years ago
but still one of my favorite pictures of us.
What we do when Megan, Nici and I
are all together. 

Lunch at Sizzler's after one of Johnna's
visits to Boise in the summer. 

I am super happy that I have so many pictures of my family here with me. They help a whole awful lot. Oh and Skype is a godsend. There have been many days where I want to tell my Mom or Megan something and I stare at my computer screen waiting for them to show up on line, and then I pounce to tell them something! For me it feels as if a wait forever for them to wake up, most of the time.

I love my family so much and miss them terribly, but I know they are rooting for me and even though I am missing out on some things right now, they are thinking of me and I am thinking of them.

I love this Kid! Liam helping clean up after his Dad's haircut

A Mouthful of Tire

A couple of weeks ago a friend of mine wrote this amazing blog post. I always love reading her blog because they are super insightful and she is a great writer, which helps. When I read her post I thought, "That is exactly how I am feeling right now, but didn’t know how to describe it."  She talked about how she felt like she was a dog, who finally caught the car she has been chasing after. Now that she has a mouthful of tire she isn’t sure what to do. Her situation was being accepted to a couple of MFA programs. She never thought she would be accepted but here she is with not one but two offers. I never doubted she would be accepted, but sometimes we don’t understand how others see us. Anyways, she is amazing. Have I said that already? If you want to read her thoughts go here. Otherwise, I will tell you why I feel like I have a mouth full of tire myself.

When I applied for the Fulbright, I like Jennifer didn’t ever think I would get accepted. I thought ahead just far enough to say: “If by some miracle they pick me, then I will say yes. But, where that isn’t going to happen, and I will have to figure something else out. Maybe, I will go back to doing hair, pay off some debts and work on some material to start applying to MFA programs.” So I waited and when April came around I was excited and anxious to see if I was chosen. That’s when the impossible happened. I came home from a wonderful weekend in Munich to find an email. A very happy email. I was accepted. For the next few days I was on a bit of a high. I double checked my dates, and made sure my graduating so close to my appointment wasn’t going to be an issue, etc. Everything worked out very smoothly. I sent in my acceptance, and then things started to sink in.

I am moving to Austria. I am going to be completely alone. I am going to have to teach children how to speak English properly, when I don’t even always do so. I am going to have to pass my classes. I got the ok to live a dream, but I am freaked out of my mind!

Right about this time I took a practice test for Studienkollege. I failed. I mean failed. A 48%! I have never gotten a score so low before in my life.  I knew right then and there that I was going to fail and have to turn down the position, because I couldn’t make it through my last semester of college. It was supposed to be really easy, just show up and you graduate, and here I am failing.

I know now that this is a little bit of an overreaction, but that is exactly how I felt. I was given a once in a lifetime opportunity, and because I don’t feel like I deserve it, I find reasons why it must be too good to be true. It’s kind of like with my first boyfriend, oh so many years ago. Things were great. We dated for about 6 months, never fought or argued, enjoyed the same things, and overall just got along really well. It had to have been too good to be true. I mean real couples fight, they argue, they have differences, and the only thing that keeps them together is that they love each other too much not to be together. That’s at least what I thought. So I started to find flaws. Enough to think someone else was better. He wasn’t. The point here is that I had something good, and because I didn’t have to struggle to make it good every day I didn’t think it was honest.

Now I have almost the opposite, and I am just now seeing it. I have something good, and although right now at this moment I am not struggling every day to keep it there. It isn’t going anywhere unless I tell it to. But I have struggled to get it. I worked hard for years to get the grades I did. Sure, I didn’t work as hard as I could have. I didn’t turn in my best work all the time. But I did put my whole heart into the one thing I think above everything else I did to get this scholarship, the Writing Center.  And maybe that is what I need to learn from all this.  Sometimes it may not seem like we deserve something right now, because we are not working hard to obtain it at the moment, but we can’t forget all the work that we have done before. And maybe, even if things aren’t perfect, if you put your heart into it that’s all that matters. 

A very full two weeks

Oh goodness. It has been almost two weeks since I have blogged last and I have been meaning to get one written, but of course there is always something that manages to get in the way. I really want to cheat and tell you to go here for updates on what I have been doing and photos, but I will talk a little (well a little for me) about them as well. For more details check out the link.

In the past two weeks Chris Iris and I went to a tennis tournment in Stuttgart. It was my first tournament and we got to see some really great players, like Sharapova (in pink and black) Ivanovic (in green and pink), Jankovic (in blue), and Wozniacki (in Yellow and orange). Basically all of the top female players were there! Chris was literally in seventh heaven because it was the Porsche Grand Prix. Watching tennis and surrounded by Porches. Which I have to admit was pretty darn cool :) Oh and Chris and I played tennis with our feet!


 The last two matches of the day, the really big ones we were super excited about, ended early because one player retired due to an injury. That was disappointing but I got some good footage of the best players' serves. The technique I am really working on my own playing right now. So I am excited to look at that more closely.

Our speed on the Autobahn.... 150mph

Chris and I had a long weekend, and we were going to go someplace, but the time off kind of caught us by surprise. We did get out of Saarbrücken at least for a day and went on a couple of day trips. Saturday Chris, Ben, and I went to Saarlouis, just a few minutes away from home.
Ben actually works out there at the Ford factory. We saw a little bit of the downtown area and some ruins the city is in the process of renovating. Then we went for a little drive to a small town where we stopped at a Biergarten for a drink. It was a beautiful day.


We were really close to the French border, and so we thought it would be awesome to take a picture of us at the boarder sign. Then we went to a castle, not exactly sure where, and walked around a bit more. It was a great day. There is so much to see and the landscape is so pretty that everyday it isn't raining too much to be outside it is a good day.

 On Monday Chris and I went to Sarrguemines (Sog-a-mund). It is in France, and well neither Chris or I speak a word of French. I needed to go to Saphora to get some make up they don't sell in Germany and we decided to be adventurous. Sarrguemines is the last stop on the Tram we take every morning to school. That meant getting to and from was going to be easy, the hard part was getting around the town. We didn't get lost. Thank goodness! But we didn't do a whole lot of wondering around either. We were hungry and so before going home we stopped at Subway. That was an interesting experience. We didn't speak French and the girl there didn't speak German or English. Well she could speak a few words of German, but not enough. There was a lot of pointing and head shaking, but eventually it was all figured out and we got what we wanted. The sandwich was super expensive 8 Euros, and not as tasty as I remember in the states, but filling.  We made it back to the train station without any mishaps, well unless you call running into, not literally thank goodness, an old man peeing in the street a mishap.

 The first of May was Tag der Arbeit, or the German labor day. The really cool thing about that is they actually get the day off! No school, no shops are open. It is an actual holiday for everyone, not just congress and banks! Go figure right?

May first is also May day and traditionally the Germans go on a Maitour. Basically it is a really long walk around the area. There are little Biergardens set up in the parks of the different towns. We walked from one to the other and through the woods. We, Ben, Iris, Chris, Myself, Iris's brother and his fiance (Mark and Linda), Linda (yes another one) and Myriam.

It was cloudy, and no one wore sunscreen.
Well, a few people hurt...

We filled our Maiwagon (just a wagon) with drinks (mostly alcoholic) and a few snacks and went out. I had water with me thankfully or I would have been very thirsty. We walked from about 115 to 445. And I took the short route. Some of the others walked for about another hour! It was really fun however and good exercise too. :)

 After our walk we all went to Linda's for a BBQ. The boys brought out the bench for the neighbors to come over an have a beer, and we enjoyed the rest of the evening.

The rest of the week was pretty normal; attempting to wake up and go to school. Succeeding, but only just, and doing a lot of homework. With all of the days off we have been having lately it is really hard to get into a good routine, but eventually I will get it down. We have two more days off the month, so I will have more to tell you of course, and there is all the other stuff that is going on.... Well that will have to wait for another day, but I will start drafting now so it wont be too much longer.  Oh and "May the Fourth" be with you!